[ RadSafe ] 'Twas the night before Christmas (recycled humor?)

Jim Hoerner jim_hoerner at hotmail.com
Sat Dec 24 08:06:48 CST 2005

An oldie, but a goodie...

-------- Original Message ----------------

Man oh man did those stink, Norm. I can do better than that with half my 
brain tied behind my back. Considering I only have half a brain to start 
with, that would be quite a handicap.

"Rudolph the glowing green reindeer"... Nah. I got it...

Here's an original one by me. It stinks, too, so don't bother telling me 
about it. Saint Nuke and all that.

If you enjoy witty humor, you'll hate this.  Apologies to Clement Clarke 

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the home,
Not a lightbulb was burning, 9th night, none shone;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
They hoped that their neighbors' firewood could be shared;

The children were nestled, shivering in their beds,
While visions of spoiled pudding haunted their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in silk pants,
We cursed what had led to this, UNINFORMED ANTI-NUKE RANTS.

When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window, I flew like a blue flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
A nice, warm, almost Cherenkov-like glow,
The solar panels on the roof were producing no power,
Because of the snow, and clouds, and the sun doesn't shine at this hour.

I looked in the backyard, watching the motionless turbine.
I was about to give up all hope for a nice gust of wind.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight radioactive reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and astute,
I knew in a moment, IT MUST BE SAINT NUKE.
Fast as thermal neutrons, his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

Like steam from the cooling towers used to fly,
Westchester would not approve as they mounted to the sky,
So over to Indian Point, the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of uranium dioxide, AND SAINT NUCLEUS TOO.

And then, in a twinkling, I saw in the distance,
The fat man take to his slide rule, what a powerful prince.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Into the containment Saint Nucleus went with a bound.

He was dressed all in white, from his head to his foot,
His protective clothes were not tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of UO2 he had flung into the core,
He looked into his dosimeter, and then went back for more.

The thoughts in his head were really rather droll,
He decided to give all the naughty anti-nukes MUCH-DESERVED COAL;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed like a detector of GeLi.

He was chubby and plump, a jolly elf, even if old,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of the cold;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon erased all of my irrational fears and dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled ALL THE CORE; then turned with a jerk,
He laid finger to nose, as if to itch,
Then he bolted to the control room, where he FLIPPED THE SWITCH;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team he gave a nod,
And away they all flew, after raising the last control rod.
THANK GOODNESS WE'RE SAVED! No more frost burn or blight!
Happy Christmas to all, and to all, GOOD LIGHT!

Best wishes for happiness, peace, health, and propserity to all!  
Particularly, those unable to be with their families for the holidays, folks 
who aren't rich like me (I eat every day), and any folks whom I have 


Hold the door for the stranger behind you. When the driver in the adjacent 
lane signals to get over, slow down. Smile and say "hi" to the folks you 
pass on the sidewalk. Give blood. Volunteer.

--- In Know_Nukes at y..., Norman Cohen <ncohen12 at h...> wrote:
>Subject: anti-nuke carols
>Date: Fri Dec 14, 2001 2:05 pm

>From the Indian Point folks:

(Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer)

In the city of Buchanan
There’s a greedy company
They own the local nuke plant
Really close to you and me

None of the other nuke plants
Going back in history
(are) located near such heavy
Population density

Then one day the NRC
Said something is not right
Indian Point your corner stones
Are de-gra-ded RED tonight

None of the other nuke plants
Going back in history
(are) located near such heavy
Population density

(I Have a Little Dreidel)

We have a little nuke plant
We wish would go away
But they don’t want to close it
They think it still can pay

Close it close it close it
Please make it go away
Close it close it close it
So we can dance and play

(Jingle Bells)

Shut down nukes
Shut down nukes
We don’t need the power
Guarded by security
That costs more by the hour

Shut down nukes
Shut down nukes
We don’t need the power
Now’s the time to close the plants
Before it all goes sour

We don’t need the fear
We don’t need the risk
We don‘t need the vulner’bility to terrorists
We can close them down
We can do what’s right
We can find alternatives
That let us sleep at night

Shut down nukes…

(Silent Night)

Indian Point
Indian Point
Radiation does anoint
Mothers fathers daughters and sons
Radiation affects everyone
How can we sleep in peace
How can we sleep in peace

(We Wish You a Merry Christmas)

We wish you would shut the nuke plants
We wish you would shut the nuke plants
We wish you would shut the nuke plants
For a Happy New Year (2X)

Petitions we bring to you NRC
We wish you would shut the nuke plants
For a happy New Year

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