[ RadSafe ] Please forgive being off-topic, but . . . Christmas With Louise
jay.cafasso at gmail.com
Wed Dec 28 18:27:32 CST 2016
Well done Maury!
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On Dec 23, 2016 7:06 AM, "Maury" <maurysis at peoplepc.com> wrote:
> *Christmas With Louise
> As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace
> before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What
> they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every
> Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor
> pantyhose hung sadly empty.
> One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and
> went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at
> Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
> If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse
> yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?
> You're kidding me! Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the
> inflatable doll section.
> I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute
> as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush
> Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different
> models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do
> things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable
> Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a doll
> took a huge leap of imagination.
> On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to
> My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning
> hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose
> with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank
> what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and
> giggled for a couple of hours.
> The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house
> and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog
> confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark
> some more.
> We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of
> the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional
> Christmas dinner.
> My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What
> the hell is that?" she asked.
> My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."
> "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.
> I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.
> "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
> "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into the
> dining room.
> But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
> Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no
> one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny,
> hang on!"
> My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me
> and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"
> I told him she was Jay's friend.
> A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise.
> Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this
> might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
> The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died,
> who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise
> like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the
> panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the
> The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa
> ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering
> mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet
> his pants.
> Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
> It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
> Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to
> decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We
> discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her
> right thigh.
> Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to
> perfect health!
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