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Know_Nukes Interview at Activist HQ (humor?) 2 of 2
Someone liked my "Interview at the NPP" post. They're in trouble now. Last
thing they should want to do is encourage my lame humor.
Here's part two from a totally different perspective...
THE FOLLOWING IS a transcript of an actual, not-at-all-made-up,
swear-to-God-it-happened interview I conducted with the new self-proclaimed
nuclear specialist at the World Organization for Earth Independent Society
United for Sustainability (WOE IS US) near Berkley. The interview appears
exactly as it occurred, and exactly as it would have appeared in JunkScience
magazine, had the editor not laughed in my face. And as Dave Barry says, I
am not making this up.
KN Nuke_Kook: So, EK, how did you get into this line of work?
Enviro_Kook: I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.
KN: Oh, ah, I see. So, what are your responsibilities here at WOEISUS?
EK: I am The Nuclear Expert, and I also work on our campaign to discourage
book reading since it kills so many trees. Mostly, though, I try to get as
much attention as I can, and I also get to surf the net a lot.
KN: So, tell me about why it is you think that all nuclear and dirty coal
plants should be shut down.
EK: Don't get me wrong. If it weren't for electricity, we'd be watching
television by candelight. Another problem with nukes is that there's no
standardization. Each reactor is absolutely, truly unique, except for the
twin units that are almost identical and similar to other ones built by the
same vendor.
KN: Speaking of problems, I'm glad you brought that up. What do you think
of the nuclear waste issue?
EK: Each year, each nuke plant [twitch] releases hundreds of tons of high
level waste...
KN: Don't you mean "PRODUCES about 10 tons"?
EK: Whatever. 50 tons of high level waste and no one knows what to do with
it, and transporting it is dangerous, and storing it is dangerous, and they
should just be shut down!
KN: Ten tons works out to about two cubic centimeters per houshold, and
thousands of safe shipments have been made, and Yucca mountain's been
approved?
EK: You sound just like the industry mafia. Trying to confuse everyone with
numbers. I don't need your numbers; I'm a pretty smart guy and can see
right through them.
KN: Oh, sorry. What's your IQ?
EK: At least 20:20.
KN: Better to understand a little than misunderstand a lot. So, what is the
biggest long term threat to humankind and the environment?
EK: Humankind or the environment?
KN: Does it matter?
EK: You bet it does!
KN: Let's start with humankind.
EK: Who cares?
KN: Okay, the environment.
EK: Global warming.
KN: Isn't nuclear power a potential solution to global warming?
EK: No.
KN: Why not?
EK: Because.
KN: Because why? Aren't the greenhouse gas emission trivial compared to
fossil power, and isn't it true that nuclear is currently the only possible
replacement for baseload fossil plants?
EK: Just because.
KN: Umm. Okay. Let's talk about alternatives for a second. Haven't there
been any tragedies caused by solar, hydro, or wind? Like solar plant
explosions, windmill stranglings, and dam breaks that make the risks on a
per-energy basis even greater for some renewable technologies?
EK: There you go with numbers again. Sure there have been injuries and
even some deaths, but none of them were really that serious.
KN: Yes, I suppose hypothetical deaths due to radiation after a long latency
period are worse and less permanent than immediate fatalities from drowning
or explosions.
EK: Not sure I understood that, but yeah, I think so.
KN: Well what if history were to repeat itself?
EK: Then I think we could expect the same thing again.
KN: Hey, what's that smell?
EK: Either the new composting toilets down the hall, or the hippies in the
breakroom.
KN: Well, it's about time for lunch.
EK: Remember, skip the chicken. Tastes just like spotted owl.
KN: Uh huh. Thanks for your time.
EK: Woohoo! Duff time!
[The third half later, at Know_Nukes]
--
Hold the door for the stranger behind you. When the driver a
half-car-length in front of you signals to get over, slow down. Smile and
say "hi" to the folks you pass on the sidewalk. Give blood. Volunteer.
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