New Element Discovered

[John Darrin <jcdarrin@mail.erols.com>]

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered. 
Tentatively called Administratium, the new man-made element has no
protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0.  However, it
does have 1 neutron, 47 executive vice neutrons,  103 vice neutrons, and
161 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic weight of 312.  These
particles are apparently bonded by a unique force that involves the
continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, AD is inert.  However, it can be detected
chemically as it impedes every process which it contacts.  According to
its discoverers, they have measured this delay as high as a factor of 83
and they are still testing the upper boundary.  

Administratium has an indefinite half-life as it does not decay in the
normal sense.  Instead, in undergoes periodic and unpredictable
re-organizations in which the all of the various vice neutrons randomly
change positions.  Paradoxically, AD seems to increase its atomic weight
after these events.

While AD is a man-made isotope, it can be found in large concentrations
in certain areas including government agencies, large corporations, and
universities.  Typically, these concentrations can be located in the
newest and most luxurious buildings.

Scientists warn that Administratium is toxic at any concentration and
easily destroys any productive reaction where it is allowed to
accumulate.  Attempts to isolate, control, and eradicate this isotope
have met with no success and researchers are not optimistic.

Happy New Year!