[ RadSafe ] Please forgive being off-topic, but . . . Christmas With Louise

[Keith Eason]

Maury, I am beside myself. X-Mas w/Louise...I been waiting for some
one to bring tears form my eyes for a story like this. Hillarious!!
Merry X-Mas.

Keith Eason, RRPT

On 12/23/16, Maury <maurysis at peoplepc.com> wrote:
>
> *
> ***
> *Christmas With Louise
>
> As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
> fireplace before Christmas.  He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill
> them.  What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true
> because every  Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were
> overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
>
> One year I decided to make his dream come true.  I put on sunglasses and
> went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things
> at Wal-Mart.  I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
>
> If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go.  You'll only
> confuse  yourself.  I was there an hour saying things like, "What does
> this do? You're kidding me!  Who would buy that?"  Finally, I made it to
> the inflatable doll section.
>
> I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also
> substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane
> during rush hour.
>
> Finding what I wanted was difficult.  Love Dolls come in many different
> models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do
> things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry.  I settled for
> Lovable Louise.  She was at the bottom of the price scale.  To call
> Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination.
>
> On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came
> to life.
>
> My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning
> hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling
> pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom.  I also ate some cookies
> and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray.  I went
> home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
>
> The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his
> house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the
> dog confused.   She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and
> bark some more.
>
> We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of
> the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional
> Christmas dinner.
>
> My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.  "What
> the hell is that?" she asked.
>
> My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."
>
> "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.
>
> I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.
>
> "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
>
> "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into the
> dining room.
>
> But Granny was relentless.  "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
>
> Again, I could have answered, but why would I?  It was Christmas and no
> one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny,
> hang on!"
>
> My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me
> and said,  "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"
>
> I told him she was Jay's friend.
>
> A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise.
> Not just talking, but actually flirting.  It was then that we realized
> this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
>
> The dinner went well.  We made the usual small talk about who had died,
> who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a
> noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning.  Then she lurched
> from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in
> front of the sofa.
>
> The cat screamed.  I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa
> ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering
> mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.  My brother fell back over his chair and
> wet his pants.
>
> Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
>
> It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
>
> Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to
> decide the cause of Louise's collapse.  We
> discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her
> right thigh.
>
> Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her
> to perfect health!
>
>
> *
> ***
> *
>
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-- 
Keith F. Eason
E-mail: knuclear9 at gmail.com