Fwd: Shielding and Bridge Design

[Chris Alston <alstonc@ODRGE.ODR.GEORGETOWN.EDU>]

>From: Robert Dixon <rdixon@WFUBMC.EDU>

>Organization: Wake Forest University School of Medicine

>

>A Parody:

>A wise old regulator, Steg O'Saurus, had just finished  a regulatory

>guide on bridge design, when his new boss, Rock Maninoff, who had just

>transferred over from the radiation protection division, walked in and

>said:

>"Steg, I don't like your guide. The equations are too realistic- you've

>got to change it."

>"I can't do that", replied Steg, "it would be dishonest"

>"Well then just double the gravitational constant- put it in some

>obscure units or hide it in the tables and they'll be none-the-wiser. I

>want our bridges to be the strongest in the land!"

>Steg replied: "How can we do that? Don't we rely on the engineers to

>design a safe bridge?"

>Rock: " Where I come from, we call it being conservative, and doubling

>gravity is conservative. In fact henceforth we will be using the ASARA

>principle- As Strong as Reasonably Achievable."

>Steg: "What the heck does that mean?"

>Rock: "That's the beauty of it- it means whatever we want it to!

>Remember, people aren't going to be crossing just the one bridge. They

>may cross several in a week, and the risk goes up at every bridge

>crossing. In fact, the first bridge you cross could collapse, so there's

>no threshold, and we will assume that the risk goes up linearly with the

>number of bridge crossings. Hey, maybe we could impose a limit on the

>number of bridge crossings a member of the public could make in  a year-

>call it the MPBC."

>Steg thought to himself: 'Is this guy nuts!' "What about the risk of

>just driving down the highway?"

>Rock: "Not our department's problem- we're just concerned with the

>bridges"

>Rock: "And what about workload assumptions? I want to assume that all

>traffic is tractor trailers"

>Steg: "What about a tank batallion?"

>Rock: "Good point! What if the bridge designers in the Alps had not

>forseen Hannibal crossing the Alps.  You've got to think ahead."

>Steg: "Well how heavy are the tractor trailers in real gravity units?"

>Rock: "Hmmm.. they could be carrying a load of lead bricks."

>Steg: " How many bricks is that?"

>Rock: " Well we've got to assume the entire volume of the trailer is

>filled with lead- just to be conservative."

>Steg: " Wouldn't that break the axles?"

>Rock: " Look Steg, we're designing bridges- not trucks! It's not our

>problem. You've got to stop thinking like that if  we're going to get

>along."

>Steg turned in his resignation that afternoon.





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