[Humor] Re: Chart New Element Discovered called ... Nukeknowium

["Jim Hoerner" <jim_hoerner@HOTMAIL.COM>]

Apologies to any lists that find this humor off-topic.  I found the post 

below by Jim Phelps to be absolutely hillarious, witty, and just plain 

delightful!



Lots more below.  Some are originals by me (you'll want to skip over them 

:-) ).  Enjoy!



>From: magnu96196@aol.com

>To: Know_Nukes@yahoogroups.com

>Subject: [Know_Nukes] Re: Chart New Element Discovered called ... 

>Nukeknowium



>

>  Chart New Element Discovered called ... Nukeknowium, symbol Nk

>  Nk is a daugher of Deleteium

>

>  A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the

>  heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been 

>tentatively

>  named "Nukeknowium."

>

>  Nukeknowium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and

>  111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312

>  particles are held together by a force called morons, which are 

>surrounded

>  by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

>

>   Since Nukeknowium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be

>  detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A

>  minute amount of Nukeknowium causes one reaction to

>  take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a 

>second.

>  Nukeknowium has

>  a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a

>  reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy

>  neutrons exchange places.

>

>  In fact, Nukeknowium's mass will actually increase over time, since each

>  reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. 

>This

>  characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that

>  Nukeknowium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in

>  concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical

>  Morass." You will know it when you see it.



If you enjoy witty humor, you'll hate the following examples :-):



Nuclear Phone Survey

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3466



Nuclear Aircraft Carrier No Match

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3480



Nuclear Picnic

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3491



France Resumes Testing

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3508



Warm Fusion

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3517



Bumer Sticker

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3554



In the Beginning, God...

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3584



Microsoft Tests Nuclear Device

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3608



Nuclear Cookie Recipe

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3618



Living in California

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3639



Hamster power

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3655



MRI Humor

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3454



Jim Hoerner "Exposed" [links included are not for children or other mammals]

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/3309



Al-Quaida Nuclear Experts Duped

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/2213



PullThePlug on Hoover's Press Release

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/1183



Greenpeace Storms Aussie Reactor

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/884



Merry Christmas from Saint Nuke

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Know_Nukes/message/659





Top 10 Reasons to be a Nuclear Engineer (by Lame Jim "Knownukium" Hoerner)



10. People will give you credit for being smarter than you really are.



9. What could be more fun than the Code of Federal Regulations?



8. $70k per year buys a lot of beer.



7. You can scare people by telling them about how you are exposed at work, 

and you are indeed radioactive (not that they are related).



6. You can make the Chem guys really jealous that your bombs are so much

bigger than theirs.



5. You can make those Greenpeace self-proclaimed nuclear experts look

foolish.



4. Even if you are middle-aged, you'll be known at work as "the young guy".



3. In the event of Armegeddon, you may actually be able to survive.



2. Babe magnet. You see, last Tuesday, no Wednesday, in the cafeteria just 

after lunch, (well, not *just* after, more like *during* lunch, about 12:28; 

say 12:30, give or take a few minutes), I leaned back in my chair (it was 

one of those aluminum chairs, good strength-to-weight, like titanium but not 

quite; but then of course titanium would be a bit of an overkill). Anyway, I 

heard one of the girls talking about how interesting she thought nuclear 

engineers could be.



1. $70k per year buys a lot of beer.



0. You can impress your friends and family with your remarkable ability to 

point out all the technical inaccuracies of the Simpsons cartoon.



-1. Working in the control room provides plenty of opportunity to catch up 

on some sleep.



-2. Mmmmmm. Doughnuts!



In fun,

Jim



--

Hold the door for the stranger behind you.  When the driver a 

half-car-length in front of you signals to get over, slow down.  Smile and 

say "hi" to the folks you pass on the sidewalk.  Give blood.  Volunteer.



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