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Re: How to Prepare for a Deployment to Iraq
Thanks for the memories............ some things never change!
T Lashley, Ex USAF, Cold War Germany
"Garner, William" wrote:
> Ex Navy, Ex Gulf War Vet, Ex Navy RSO. Thanks for the nice start to a Monday.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: owner-radsafe@list.Vanderbilt.Edu
> [mailto:owner-radsafe@list.Vanderbilt.Edu]On Behalf Of Gerry Blackwood
> Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2003 22:28
> To: g2v13a@SWBELL.NET
> Cc: radsafe@list.Vanderbilt.Edu; P.Caram@verizon.net
> Subject: Re: How to Prepare for a Deployment to Iraq
>
> Thanks Doug,
>
> Yes humor is good for the soul even and especially for
> scientists, myself included. Flaming e-mails do not
> bother me, heck 27 years with Uncle Sam and all the
> stupidity that brought with it, my skin is like rock.
>
> Regards
> Gerry
>
> On Sat, 13 Dec 2003 21:19:19 -0600, Douglas and Shirley
> Jackson wrote:
>
> >
> > Gerry,
> >
> > A desenter's opinion --- I found your e-mail to be
> very
> > funny. Oh wait,
> > I have been in similar circumstances. Besides, we
> > (those that I served
> > with) used humor when faced with difficult and spartan
> > conditions while
> > in the service of our country. This commonly occurs,
> > in my experience,
> > when people are in difficult conditions. Humor seems
> > to make the
> > difficult conditions easier to handle --- with less
> > friction toward
> > those going through it all with you.
> >
> > Flaming e-mails are just routine on this list. I have
> > received many ---
> > I believe --- unjustly. No doubt, I shall receive
> many
> > more.
> >
> > Doug
> >
> > Douglas D. Jackson
> > St. Louis, MO
> > (A strong supporter of our troops.)
> > (A skeptic on most other issues)
> > -----------------------------------------
> > Gerry Blackwood wrote:
> >
> > >How to Prepare for a Deployment to Iraq
> > >
> > >1. Sleep on a cot in the garage.
> > >
> > >2. Replace the garage door with a curtain.
> > >
> > >3. Six hours after you go to sleep, have your
> > >spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend whip open the curtain,
> > >shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble, "Sorry,
> > >wrong cot."
> > >
> > >4. Renovate your bathroom. Hang a green plastic
> sheet
> > >down from the middle of your bathtub and move the
> > >showerhead down to chest level. Keep four inches of
> > >soapy cold water on the floor. Stop cleaning the
> toilet
> > >and pee everywhere but in the toilet itself. Leave
> two
> > >to three sheets of toilet paper. Or for best effect,
> > >remove it altogether. For a more realistic deployed
> > >bathroom experience, stop using your bathroom and
> use a
> > >neighbor's. Choose a neighbor who lives at least a
> > >quarter mile away.
> > >
> > >5. When you take showers, wear flip-flops and keep
> the
> > >lights off.
> > >
> > >6. Every time there is a thunderstorm, go sit in a
> > >wobbly rocking chair and dump dirt on your head.
> > >
> > >7. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water
> > >and set it on "HIGH" for that tactical generator
> smell.
> > >
> > >8. Don't watch TV except for movies in the middle of
> > >the night. Have your family vote on which movie to
> > >watch and then show a different one.
> > >
> > >9. Leave a lawnmower running in your living room 24
> > >hours a day for proper noise level.
> > >
> > >10. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
> > >
> > >11. Once a week, blow compressed air up through your
> > >chimney making sure the wind carries the soot across
> > >and on to your neighbor's house. Laugh at him when he
> > >curses you.
> > >
> > >12. Buy a trash compactor and only use it once a
> week.
> > >Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub.
> > >
> > >13. Wake up every night at midnight and have a
> peanut
> > >butter and jelly sandwich on a saltine cracker.
> > >
> > >14. Make up your family menu a week ahead of time
> > >without looking in your food cabinets or
> refrigerator.
> > >Then serve some kind of meat in an unidentifiable
> sauce
> > >poured over noodles. Do this for every meal.
> > >
> > >15. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times
> > >during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed
> and
> > >get to the shower as fast as you can. Simulate there
> is
> > >no hot water by running out into your yard and
> breaking
> > >out the garden hose.
> > >
> > >16. Once a month, take every major appliance
> > >completely apart and put it back together again.
> > >
> > >17. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to
> > >sit for five or six hours before drinking.
> > >
> > >18. Invite at least 185 people you don't really like
> > >because of their strange hygiene habits to come and
> > >visit for a couple of months. Exchange clothes with
> > >them.
> > >
> > >19. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom
> of
> > >your coffee table and lie under it to read books.
> > >
> > >20. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of
> > >your front and back doors so that you either trip
> over
> > >the threshold or hit your head on the sill every time
> > >you pass through one of them.
> > >
> > >21. Keep a roll of toilet paper on your night stand
> > >and bring it to the bathroom with you. And bring your
> > >gun and a flashlight.
> > >
> > >22. Go to the bathroom when you just have to pass
> gas,
> > >"just in case." Every time.
> > >
> > >23. Announce to your family that they have mail,
> have
> > >them report to you as you stand outside your open
> > >garage door after supper and then say, "Sorry, it's
> for
> > >the other Smith."
> > >
> > >24. Wash only 15 items of laundry per week. Roll up
> > >the semi-wet clean clothes in a ball. Place them in a
> > >cloth sack in the corner of the garage where the cat
> > >pees. After a week, unroll them and without ironing
> or
> > >removing the mildew, proudly wear them to
> professional
> > >meetings and family gatherings. Pretend you don't
> know
> > >what you look or smell like. Enthusiastically repeat
> > >the process for another week.
> > >
> > >25. Go to the worst crime-infested place you can
> find,
> > >go heavily armed, wearing a flak jacket and a Kevlar
> > >helmet. Set up shop in a tent in a vacant lot.
> Announce
> > >to the residents that you are there to help them.
> > >
> > >26. Eat a single M&M every Sunday and convince
> > >yourself it's for Malaria.
> > >
> > >27. Demand each family member be limited to 10
> minutes
> > >per week for a morale phone call. Enforce this with
> > >your teenage son/daughter.
> > >
> > >28. Shoot a few bullet holes in the walls of your
> home
> > >for proper ambiance.
> > >
> > >29. Sandbag the floor of your car to protect from
> mine
> > >blasts and fragmentation.
> > >
> > >30. While traveling down roads in your car, stop at
> > >each overpass and culvert and inspect them for
> remotely
> > >detonated explosives before proceeding.
> > >
> > >31. Fire off 50 cherry bombs simultaneously in your
> > >driveway at 3:00 a.m. When startled neighbors appear,
> > >tell them all is well, you are just registering
> > >mortars. Tell them plastic will make an acceptable
> > >substitute for their shattered windows.
> > >
> > >32. Drink your milk and sodas warm.
> > >
> > >33. Spread gravel throughout your house and yard.
> > >
> > >34. Make your children clear their Super Soakers in
> a
> > >clearing barrel you placed outside the front door
> > >before they come in.
> > >
> > >35. Make your family dig a survivability position
> with
> > >overhead cover in the backyard. Complain that the
> 4x4s
> > >are not 8 inches on center and make them rebuild it.
> > >
> > >36. When your 5-year-old asks for a stick of gum,
> have
> > >him find the exact stick and flavor he wants on the
> > >Internet and print out the web page. Type up a
> Material
> > >Request Form and staple the web page to the back.
> > >Submit the paperwork to your spouse for processing.
> > >After two weeks, give your son a different kind of
> gum.
> > >
> > >38. Announce to your family that the dog is a vector
> > >for disease and shoot it. Throw the dog in a burn pit
> > >you dug in your neighbor's back yard.
> > >
> > >39. Wait for the coldest/ hottest day of the year
> and
> > >announce to your family that there will be no
> heat/air
> > >conditioning that day so you can perform much needed
> > >maintenance on the heater/ air conditioner. Tell them
> > >you are doing this so they won't get cold/ hot.
> > >
> > >40. Just when you think you're ready to resume a
> > >normal life, order yourself to repeat this process
> for
> > >another six months to simulate the next deployment
> > >you've been ordered to support.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >_________________________________________________
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> > >http://www.FindLaw.com
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> > >http://mail.Justice.com
> >
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> > >
>
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