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Re: How to Prepare for a Deployment to Iraq



Thanks for the memories............ some things never change!



T Lashley, Ex USAF, Cold War Germany



"Garner, William" wrote:



> Ex Navy, Ex Gulf War Vet, Ex Navy RSO.  Thanks for the nice start to a Monday.

>

> -----Original Message-----

> From: owner-radsafe@list.Vanderbilt.Edu

> [mailto:owner-radsafe@list.Vanderbilt.Edu]On Behalf Of Gerry Blackwood

> Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2003 22:28

> To: g2v13a@SWBELL.NET

> Cc: radsafe@list.Vanderbilt.Edu; P.Caram@verizon.net

> Subject: Re: How to Prepare for a Deployment to Iraq

>

> Thanks Doug,

>

> Yes humor is good for the soul even and especially for

> scientists, myself included. Flaming e-mails do not

> bother me, heck 27 years with Uncle Sam and all the

> stupidity that brought with it, my skin is like rock.

>

> Regards

> Gerry

>

> On Sat, 13 Dec 2003 21:19:19 -0600, Douglas and Shirley

> Jackson wrote:

>

> >

> > Gerry,

> >

> > A desenter's opinion --- I found your e-mail to be

> very

> > funny.  Oh wait,

> > I have been in similar circumstances.  Besides, we

> > (those that I served

> > with) used humor when faced with difficult and spartan

> > conditions while

> > in the service of our country.  This commonly occurs,

> > in my experience,

> > when people are in difficult conditions.  Humor seems

> > to make the

> > difficult conditions easier to handle --- with less

> > friction toward

> > those going through it all with you.

> >

> > Flaming e-mails are just routine on this list.  I have

> > received many ---

> > I believe --- unjustly.  No doubt, I shall receive

> many

> > more.

> >

> > Doug

> >

> > Douglas D. Jackson

> > St. Louis, MO

> > (A strong supporter of our troops.)

> > (A skeptic on most other issues)

> > -----------------------------------------

> > Gerry Blackwood wrote:

> >

> > >How to Prepare for a Deployment to Iraq

> > >

> > >1.   Sleep on a cot in the garage.

> > >

> > >2.   Replace the garage door with a curtain.

> > >

> > >3.   Six hours after you go to sleep, have your

> > >spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend whip open the curtain,

> > >shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble, "Sorry,

> > >wrong cot."

> > >

> > >4.   Renovate your bathroom. Hang a green plastic

> sheet

> > >down from the middle of your bathtub and move the

> > >showerhead down to chest level. Keep four inches of

> > >soapy cold water on the floor. Stop cleaning the

> toilet

> > >and pee everywhere but in the toilet itself. Leave

> two

> > >to three sheets of toilet paper. Or for best effect,

> > >remove it altogether. For a more realistic deployed

> > >bathroom experience, stop using your bathroom and

> use a

> > >neighbor's. Choose a neighbor who lives at least a

> > >quarter mile away.

> > >

> > >5.   When you take showers, wear flip-flops and keep

> the

> > >lights off.

> > >

> > >6.   Every time there is a thunderstorm, go sit in a

> > >wobbly rocking chair and dump dirt on your head.

> > >

> > >7.   Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water

> > >and set it on "HIGH" for that tactical generator

> smell.

> > >

> > >8.   Don't watch TV except for movies in the middle of

> > >the night. Have your family vote on which movie to

> > >watch and then show a different one.

> > >

> > >9.   Leave a lawnmower running in your living room 24

> > >hours a day for proper noise level.

> > >

> > >10.  Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

> > >

> > >11.  Once a week, blow compressed air up through your

> > >chimney making sure the wind carries the soot across

> > >and on to your neighbor's house. Laugh at him when he

> > >curses you.

> > >

> > >12.  Buy a trash compactor and only use it once a

> week.

> > >Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub.

> > >

> > >13.  Wake up every night at midnight and have a

> peanut

> > >butter and jelly sandwich on a saltine cracker.

> > >

> > >14.  Make up your family menu a week ahead of time

> > >without looking in your food cabinets or

> refrigerator.

> > >Then serve some kind of meat in an unidentifiable

> sauce

> > >poured over noodles. Do this for every meal.

> > >

> > >15.  Set your alarm clock to go off at random times

> > >during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed

> and

> > >get to the shower as fast as you can. Simulate there

> is

> > >no hot water by running out into your yard and

> breaking

> > >out the garden hose.

> > >

> > >16.  Once a month, take every major appliance

> > >completely apart and put it back together again.

> > >

> > >17.  Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to

> > >sit for five or six hours before drinking.

> > >

> > >18.  Invite at least 185 people you don't really like

> > >because of their strange hygiene habits to come and

> > >visit for a couple of months. Exchange clothes with

> > >them.

> > >

> > >19.  Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom

> of

> > >your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

> > >

> > >20.  Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of

> > >your front and back doors so that you either trip

> over

> > >the threshold or hit your head on the sill every time

> > >you pass through one of them.

> > >

> > >21.  Keep a roll of toilet paper on your night stand

> > >and bring it to the bathroom with you. And bring your

> > >gun and a flashlight.

> > >

> > >22.  Go to the bathroom when you just have to pass

> gas,

> > >"just in case." Every time.

> > >

> > >23.  Announce to your family that they have mail,

> have

> > >them report to you as you stand outside your open

> > >garage door after supper and then say, "Sorry, it's

> for

> > >the other Smith."

> > >

> > >24.  Wash only 15 items of laundry per week. Roll up

> > >the semi-wet clean clothes in a ball. Place them in a

> > >cloth sack in the corner of the garage where the cat

> > >pees. After a week, unroll them and without ironing

> or

> > >removing the mildew, proudly wear them to

> professional

> > >meetings and family gatherings. Pretend you don't

> know

> > >what you look or smell like. Enthusiastically repeat

> > >the process for another week.

> > >

> > >25.  Go to the worst crime-infested place you can

> find,

> > >go heavily armed, wearing a flak jacket and a Kevlar

> > >helmet. Set up shop in a tent in a vacant lot.

> Announce

> > >to the residents that you are there to help them.

> > >

> > >26.  Eat a single M&M every Sunday and convince

> > >yourself it's for Malaria.

> > >

> > >27.  Demand each family member be limited to 10

> minutes

> > >per week for a morale phone call. Enforce this with

> > >your teenage son/daughter.

> > >

> > >28.  Shoot a few bullet holes in the walls of your

> home

> > >for proper ambiance.

> > >

> > >29.  Sandbag the floor of your car to protect from

> mine

> > >blasts and fragmentation.

> > >

> > >30.  While traveling down roads in your car, stop at

> > >each overpass and culvert and inspect them for

> remotely

> > >detonated explosives before proceeding.

> > >

> > >31.  Fire off 50 cherry bombs simultaneously in your

> > >driveway at 3:00 a.m. When startled neighbors appear,

> > >tell them all is well, you are just registering

> > >mortars. Tell them plastic will make an acceptable

> > >substitute for their shattered windows.

> > >

> > >32.  Drink your milk and sodas warm.

> > >

> > >33.  Spread gravel throughout your house and yard.

> > >

> > >34.  Make your children clear their Super Soakers in

> a

> > >clearing barrel you placed outside the front door

> > >before they come in.

> > >

> > >35.  Make your family dig a survivability position

> with

> > >overhead cover in the backyard. Complain that the

> 4x4s

> > >are not 8 inches on center and make them rebuild it.

> > >

> > >36.  When your 5-year-old asks for a stick of gum,

> have

> > >him find the exact stick and flavor he wants on the

> > >Internet and print out the web page. Type up a

> Material

> > >Request Form and staple the web page to the back.

> > >Submit the paperwork to your spouse for processing.

> > >After two weeks, give your son a different kind of

> gum.

> > >

> > >38.  Announce to your family that the dog is a vector

> > >for disease and shoot it. Throw the dog in a burn pit

> > >you dug in your neighbor's back yard.

> > >

> > >39.  Wait for the coldest/ hottest day of the year

> and

> > >announce to your family that there will be no

> heat/air

> > >conditioning that day so you can perform much needed

> > >maintenance on the heater/ air conditioner. Tell them

> > >you are doing this so they won't get cold/ hot.

> > >

> > >40.  Just when you think you're ready to resume a

> > >normal life, order yourself to repeat this process

> for

> > >another six months to simulate the next deployment

> > >you've been ordered to support.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >_________________________________________________

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> > >http://www.FindLaw.com

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> > >http://mail.Justice.com

> >

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> > >

>

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