FW: A bit of distraction from our job-hope you enjoy it

[loneill@Haysmed.com]

Hope this brightens your day a little.  It came over on the Linac-eng 
server, but many of us can relate...

TOP TEN ways to know you are dating/married to a consultant:

1. Refers to those "intimite moments" as "Win-Win situations"
2. Valentine`s Day card has bullet points
3. Can`t be trusted with the car (too accustomed to beating up rentals)
4. Celebrate anniversary by conducting a performance review
5. Ends any argument by saying "let`s talk about this offline"
6. Tries to call room service from the bedroom
7. Congratulates your parents for successful value creation
8. Takes a half-day at the office because, "Sunday is YOUR day"
9. Talks to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late
10. Referred to the first month of your relationship as a "diagnostic
   period"

You know it is time to get out of consulting when...

1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
2. You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization."
3. You refer to dating as test marketing.
4. You can spell "paradigm."
5. You actually know what a paradigm is.
6. You understand your airline's fare structure.
7. You write executive summaries on your love letters.
8. You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page paper with
   six other people you don't know.
9. You believe every company is "a traditional functional organization,
   with promotion based on tenure, but one that needs to change as it is
   facing ever increasing competition..."
10. You believe that a company's problems are never caused by
    an"ineffective handling of an administrative situation."
11. You believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues"
and
    "improvement opportunities."
11. You know every single piece of clip art in PowerPoint.
12. You calculate your own personal cost of capital.
13. You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of
yourself
    as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."
14. You ask your bank manager if she has heard of "Modigliani-Miller,"
and
    then you ask her if she has a pizza so you can show her.
15. You can explain to somebody the difference between "re-engineering,"
    "down-sizing," "right-sizing," and "firing people's asses."
16. You actually believe your explanation in number 15.
17. You start doing your kid's math equations in reverse Polish
notation.
18. You enjoy using an HP-12C.
19. You refer to your previous life as "my sunk cost."
20. Your three meals a day are a morning consumption function, a
noontime
    consumption function, and an evening consumption function.
21. You refer to your significant other as "my co-CEO."
22. Your favorite stories begin "Bob Jones, VP of marketing, sat at his
    desk and stared out his window..."
23. You like both types of sandwiches: ham and turkey.
24. You believe CAPM is just as important as the Theory of Relativity.
25. You believe CAPM.
26. You start to feel sorry for Dilbert's boss.
27. You believe the best tables and graphs take an hour to comprehend.
28. You refer to divorce as "divestiture."
29. Your favorite artist is the one who does the dot drawings for the
Wall
    Street Journal.
30. None of your favorite publications have cartoons.
31. You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an
    expense.
32. You insist that you do some more market research before you and your
    spouse produce another child.
33. At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting
    about their brand equity.
34. You always call your mechanic before you start your car to see if it
    will blow up given the day's weather conditions...
35. ...and expect him to use a decision tree to work it out.
36. You've decided the only way to afford a house is to call your fellow
    alumni and offer to name a room after them, if they'll help with the
down
    payment.
37. Your "deliverable" for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid
bills
38. You use the term "value-added" without falling down laughing.
39. You ask the car salesman if the car comes with a whiteboard and
    Internet connection.
40. You give constructive feedback to your dog.


-----------------End of Original Message-----------------

-------------------------------------
Name: Laura O'Neill
E-mail: loneill@Haysmed.com
Date: 6/26/97
Time: 7:17:54 AM