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From: "Steve Allison" <allwood@iwl.net>
To: <pwhybark@ix.netcom.com>
Subject: me me me
Date: Wed, 3 Dec 1997 08:06:49 -0600
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Hey there father what is new with you in your world today? I have been =
kicking back down here trying to live day to day. Am doing a hellof a =
lot better. I have not been stressed out and mother and Les and I have =
been able to talk openly with one another. I am curious to know how you =
are doing and have a small favour for you to do for me. I need my =
jacket I am freezing my ass off down here, could you mail it to me? I =
went yesterday and signed up for the Army. I took the ASVAB and scored =
so high that I can be in the military intellegence division. I only did =
poorly on the mechanics part of the test and that I scored and 88%. The =
rest were nineties and hundreds. I am looking forward to going in. I =
will have my physical done Thursday and then will be sworn in on Friday. =
I leave for bootcamp in the first two weeks of January. I know how you =
feel about me and the Army and I know that I said I would be back there =
by the first of January but as I feel right now I don't need to be near =
any part of my family.
I knew you would not return, that is why I asked you not to use my
suitcase
I think that you and my mother are playing games = and I don't want to be
part of that.
Believe what you want Nicky but when it comes to your health and welfare
we were not playing games.
I remembered that my mom didn't = even talk to you before I got on the
phone that night, so how could she = have said I was going to lie to you?
I talked to your mom at least twice before you got out of the hospital
the last time. Also I had talked to your mom on previous occasions.
I think that it is your excuse for = not doing something sooner. I know
you knew because you were so = disgusted when Sean and I graduated that
you didn't want to even see Les = or my mother.
Yes I was disqusted and I am still disugsted with this situation. And
yes I knew you were in therapy. Also when I was first told about this
whole mess when you were 14 (we discussed this), your mom told me you made
things up to get attention and then she put you on the phone and made you
tell me about the molsestation. I believed the wrong person. I regret
that decision with all of my heart Nicky. I have felt much anguish over
that decision. I ask not for you forgiveness, for it is not within my
power to ask such a thing. We are allowed in our time on earth to have do
overs when we make life mistakes. If we were, we would all go back and
change some things in our lives. I am sorry Nicky for the pain and
anguish you have felt because of poor decisions I have made.
I remembered conversations that we had also you knew back = then that I
was in therapy and you knew the reason why. I am such a = fool to think
that you really didn't know what was going on, I guess it = was because I
wanted to believe you so bad. It was pointed out to me = that my mother
has been the one there for me in the past whereas you = have not, why
should I disown her when she has done everything to help = me.
I never asked you to disown your mother. I know how much you love her.I
only thought that it might be best for you two not to communicate for a
while when you were here.
I know that you have given your support here lately and I = appreciate
everything that you have done but I don't think that you have = been
completely honest with me.
I have been as completely honest with you as I know how to be. I have my
own life experiences, views, beliefs, value system, morals and ethics. I
am not perfect Nicky I have made mistakes in the past. I have regrets. I
know that God has forgien me and I try not to repeat the errors of the
past. I still make mistakes and stumble from time to time. I get up and
try again and hope for better days.
How am I supposed to be completely = honest with you when you have been
lying to me. I like the person you = are in a lot of ways but I also hate
how you act in ways too. I love = you for who you are dad but I don't
think that your influence on me = right now would be healthy anyway. You
have your own issues to deal = with and I have to learn to deal with mine.
I hope to see you soon. = Take care and have a Merry Christmas!!! Send
Steve my love please...
Nicky
Just for the record Nicky it was not me who moved 2500 miles away
from my children. This greatly restricts the influence I had on you
and Sean. Secondly the night Sean called here when he was so angry he
told me that your mom gave you the opportunity to come live with me,
after the molestation came out? Is this true?
And if it is then you made a choice. Did your mom ever offer to let
you children come live with me; the answer is no. Did I ask her to
let me have you for a year or two; the answer is yes several times.
Of course your mom has been there for you, Nicky! Had I been the
custodial parent then I would have been there for you. Did she ever
ask for my input on you and Seans growing pains. No never! Perfect I
am not. Perfect you mom is not. Perfect you are not. We all do the
best we can. Often we fall short of other peoples expectations for
us. I have fallen short of my own expectations.
I am pleased that you are pursuing your dream. The excitement in you
voice was very evident. I will keep you in my prayers and wish you a
long and happy life. I trully hope that your life will be better than
mine has been. I also hope that you will be a better parent to your
daughter than I have been to you and Sean. God knows in my heart how
much I love you both. You may not know it, but I do and so does God.
I'll mail you belongings to your home. Merry Christmas and may God
bless you and keep you from harm. I Love you more today than yesterday
but not as much as I will love you tomorrow. DAD.
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<DIV><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D2>Hey there father what is new with =
you in your=20
world today? I have been kicking back down here trying to live day =
to=20
day. Am doing a hellof a lot better. I have not been =
stressed out=20
and mother and Les and I have been able to talk openly with one =
another. I=20
am curious to know how you are doing and have a small favour for you to =
do for=20
me. I need my jacket I am freezing my ass off down here, could you =
mail it=20
to me? I went yesterday and signed up for the Army. I took =
the ASVAB=20
and scored so high that I can be in the military intellegence =
division. I=20
only did poorly on the mechanics part of the test and that I scored and=20
88%. The rest were nineties and hundreds. I am looking =
forward to=20
going in. I will have my physical done Thursday and then will be =
sworn in=20
on Friday. I leave for bootcamp in the first two weeks of =
January. I=20
know how you feel about me and the Army and I know that I said I would =
be back=20
there by the first of January but as I feel right now I don't need to be =
near=20
any part of my family. I think that you and my mother are playing =
games=20
and I don't want to be part of that. I remembered that my mom =
didn't even=20
talk to you before I got on the phone that night, so how could she have =
said I=20
was going to lie to you? I think that it is your excuse for not =
doing=20
something sooner. I know you knew because you were so disgusted =
when Sean=20
and I graduated that you didn't want to even see Les or my mother. =
I=20
remembered conversations that we had also you knew back then that I was =
in=20
therapy and you knew the reason why. I am such a fool to think =
that you=20
really didn't know what was going on, I guess it was because I wanted to =
believe=20
you so bad. It was pointed out to me that my mother has been the =
one there=20
for me in the past whereas you have not, why should I disown her when =
she has=20
done everything to help me. I know that you have given your =
support here=20
lately and I appreciate everything that you have done but I don't think =
that you=20
have been completely honest with me. How am I supposed to be =
completely=20
honest with you when you have been lying to me. I like the person =
you are=20
in a lot of ways but I also hate how you act in ways too. I love =
you for=20
who you are dad but I don't think that your influence on me right now =
would be=20
healthy anyway. You have your own issues to deal with and I have =
to learn=20
to deal with mine. I hope to see you soon. Take care and =
have a=20
Merry Christmas!!! Send Steve my love please...</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D2>Nicky</FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>
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