Heaviest Element Discovered!

[haes@MIT.EDU]

Heaviest  Element  Discovered!

The heaviest element known to modern man was recently discovered at a Wattsa Matter University 
Laboratory.  The element, tentatively named ADMINISTRATIUM, (Ad), has no known protons or 
electrons, thus it has atomic number 0.  It does,  however, have one neutron, 75 associate 
neutrons, 125 deputy associate neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy associate neutrons.  This 
gives it an atomic mass of 312.  The 312 particles are held together in the nucleus by a force 
that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called memo-ons.

Since it has no electrons, ADMINISTRATIUM is inert. Nevertheless, it can be detected chemically 
because it seems to impede every reaction in which it takes part.  According to one of the 
discoverers of the element, a very small amount of ADMINISTRATIUM made one reaction that 
normally takes less than a second, take over four days to go to completion.

ADMINISTRATIUM has a half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually 
decay.  Instead, it undergoes an internal reorganization in which associates to the neutron, 
deputy associates to the neutron, and assistant deputy associates to the neutron all exchange 
places.  Studies underway now indicate that the atomic mass actually increases after each
reorganization.